


Why Do You Stay After Everything?

by bookworm116



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gen, M/M, a perryshmirtz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 11:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14471478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookworm116/pseuds/bookworm116
Summary: Sometimes, Doofenshmirtz just feels like giving up. Sometimes, he doesn't see the point. I mean, really. Who fights an anthropomorphic teal platypus every day because you're 'evil' and trying to take over the tristate area?Perry can't exactly talk but he still can't leave the penthouse with Doof like this.CURSES I WROTE A PERRYSHMIRTZ FANFICCURSES I SHIP IT FREAKIN WHATCURSE YOUCURSE ALL OF YOU





	Why Do You Stay After Everything?

Perry the platypus crashed into the lair, as usual. He looked around. No trap? He spied around for a little while, wondering where Heinz was and why there wasn’t some big machine. Monogram had said Doofenshmirtz had been incommunicado recently, but Perry didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. No signs of a fight, nothing. The lair looked absolutely like it always did.

But where was Heinz? Perry dropped out of spy mode and wandered around the penthouse for a little bit. Doof wasn’t on the balcony. He wasn’t in the living room. Not in the kitchen. Perry was sure he’d checked everywhere. Even the bedroom. 

He was starting to become more than a little freaked out.

Maybe Doofenshmirtz had something else going on and had just decided to go? Maybe he just forgot to mention to OWCA that he wouldn’t be doing any evil today? 

The noise levels scared him.

Usually, if it wasn’t the machinery noises, it was Doofenshmirtz’s own mindless blathering that filled the house.

Without it it was empty.

Then he heard a crash.

Perry jumped into action. Preparing for the worst trap ever (what else could all that buildup be about?) he ran towards the sound.

It was the closet.

Was Heinz just sitting in a closet? Perry didn’t get paid enough for this.

He reached up and opened the door.

He chirred.

At first he didn’t see Heinz, but then as Perry’s eyes adjusted to the light he saw the man curled up in a ball on the floor.

Perry chirred again and the doctor finally looked up.

“Oh, it’s you.”

Perry nodded, letting go of the door handle.

“Well, go away. No one’s home.”

Perry rolled his eyes.

Stepping a little bit closer, he looked questioningly at Heinz.

“What? I said go away. There’s no one here, no evil. Nothing.”

Heinz pressed his face into the floor.

“Just get out,” h e muttered against the floor.

Perry didn’t know what to do.

Here was his nemesis curled up on the floor.

He could just leave. That was what Heinz had told him to do. He could go back home and sleep in the sun.

But something just didn’t sit right with him about that.

Leaving his ~~best friend~~  nemesis just there. Curled up. Looking like he wanted to die.

Perry shuddered. That was a morbid thought that he pushed out of his mind. Doof hadn’t had the best past, sure, and he probably had PTSD, but he’d always bounced back. He’d always been better by the end of his little psychotic rant.

Perry sat down on the floor next to him.

The scientist sighed and sat up a little bit. 

“So you aren’t going to leave? This isn’t something you can fix, Perry the platypus. I don’t have a block or anything like that. I-I.. Just leave. Please.”

Perry scooted closer to him.

“Just go back to your agency. Leave me alone, Perry the platypus!”

Perry placed a small teal hand on his nemesis’s shoulder.

He knew Heinz could flick it away if he wanted to.

Heinz didn’t flick it away.

He sighed and slammed his head into the wall behind him.

Perry flinched. 

Heinz suddenly lurched forwards. 

He stood up.

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. All the schemes were a bunch of-of LIES.”

Heinz walked out of the closet, Perry hastily following.

“Y’know, my parents used to tell me that I’d never amount to anything. That I was just a little habengoosher, a dummkopf.”

He abruptly stopped, Perry almost crashing into him.

“Guess they were right, huh? I fight a platypus everyday because he’s trying to stop me from, what, taking over the tristate area?”

Perry was mildly offended at Doofenshmirtz’s summary of Perry’s entire job.

“Why am I even a threat? Why am I OWCA’s top enemy number 3 when I can’t even take over the TriState area withOUT someone fighting me?”

The doctor continued, shaking his head in disgust.

“I bet if you didn’t show up one day, I’d still blow myself up. I do it every time. I bet if you left, I’d still fail. That’s all I do. So… Perry the platypus, you don’t even need to be here. I’m going to fail all on my own.”

Perry really had no clue what to do.

Not being able to talk really sucked sometimes.

He wanted to tell Heinz all about how he was public enemy number 3 because of his inventiveness, his vast intelligence. Sure, he didn’t plan well, but Perry had to stop him, because if he didn’t, Heinz might create something that could very well be extremely effective. And all of his inventions worked.

All of them.

Perry wanted to tell him that even though he was bad at being bad, he might not be bad at being good. Although, he did try working at OWCA and that ended fairly catastrophically. But Heinz wasn’t a bad guy. He tried so hard to be, but he really was just a sad, traumatized person with a dark, dark history. 

Perry wanted to tell him about how he wouldn’t leave. How he had developed this bond with the scientist, and he really couldn’t let him suffer.

How Perry had come to think of Doofenshmirtz as his only friend.

The boys were **his** boys, he loved them to death, but he could only be a mindless platypus around them. Monogram and the OWCA was where he worked, where he wasn’t treated as an individual, but more as just a pawn to ‘get out there and stop Doofenshmirtz.’ But Heinz could treat him as an equal. He could treat him as a partner sometimes. Even though he thought he knew very little about Perry’s personal life, he knew all of Perry’s personality.

But Perry couldn’t say anything.

He didn’t have the words to say anything.

All he could do was chatter, and wrap himself around Doofenshmirtz’s leg.

Somehow, Doof seemed to get a little bit of the message.

He smiled, before quickly wiping it off his face and putting on a glare.

“What are you doing, Perry the platypus?”

Perry took his hand and led him to the couch. Making the scientist sit down, against his protests, Perry shook his head in disbelief. 

He couldn’t believe he was doing this.

Yes he could.

He would do it any time.

But it was still a little strange, being more of a platypus around Heinz.

Perry had heard of comfort animals and such, so maybe what Doofenshmirtz needed to knock him out of the blue funk he was in was just some petting of a platypus perhaps?

_Of course, it was a bonus that_ **_he_ ** _got to be the comfort animal._

He jumped up on the couch too, and sighed.

He got down on all fours and sat in doofenshmirtz’s lap.

Doofenshmirtz didn’t get it.

“Perry the platypus?”

Perry sighed again and grabbed one of Doof’s hands. Placing it on his back, he almost forced the hand to pat him.

Doof got it.

“Oh! You want me to.. Pet you?”

Perry nodded.

Doofenshmirtz shrugged, then smiled a bit.

“Well, okay. No evil today, just a platypus in my lap. Wait’ll I tell my blog. No that wouldn’t be a good idea. It _is_ an evil blog, after all. What would people think about that, huh? I bet most nemeses don’t do this. Perry the platypus, you’re _weird,_ you know that?”

He continued to ramble, softly petting Perry.

“And hey, y’know, if you were trying to get me to cheer up… good job? And here I thought beholding was the only way to make all the bad emotions go away. Well, not bad. I mean, I am _evil,_ I want some bad emotions. I should make a bad-emotions-inator! no, no… that would only make me have worse emotions. I wonder if platypuses have those kind. And is it platypuses or platypi? I’m still stuck on that one.”

Perry smiled to himself. Doof had said himself: He was cheered up a little bit. He knew he was supposed to be making Doofenshmirtz feel better, but Perry felt comforted just by being there and listening to the scientist.

“And I looked it up, and apparently the correct term is _Platypodes._ Did you know that, Perry the platypus? I didn’t. Anyway, you want to watch a show? That Spanish soap is on. Oh, what soap operas do you like, Perry?”

Perry chattered sleepily. The scientist seemed back to his old self. 

_And that was really all that mattered, at the end of the day. Even if Doofenshmirtz was always hovering right on the verge of being very depressed, he always picked himself up again. And if he didn’t, Perry was there to pick him up. That’s why he was there. He would always be there. It was normal._

_It was their little routine. And it always seemed to make his day a little better._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> WELL I DID IT
> 
>  
> 
> IM NOT SORRY
> 
>  
> 
> AUUUUUUUUUGH
> 
>  
> 
> its a PlAtYpuS anD a hUmAn


End file.
